On Why I Want To Be Like Mom...

I came down the stairs and stood near my mom while I folded towels. I asked her how to feel, and how to respond to shootings on both coasts, one day apart, and how they both hurt.

While what she said was important, I learned more from what she did.

I've learned from watching that there are several types of reactions to death and horror.

There are the ones who point fingers and blame politics and look for answers in human institutions. They rant and shoot off fiery darts with their tongues (and fingertips on the web).

And how does Mom respond to that? "Stay off the Internet. Let this die, and then get back on." Because this doesn't help.

There are the ones who moan and blame God and then deny His existence. If we don't like His will, we don't want Him. I know people like this, too, and asked if I can worry about them. Mom said no, they're in God's hands, and don't I trust Him?

There are the ones who say they'll hug their kids closer, and they leave unsaid the thoughts about how they don't think about God being the God in control of their children's lives, and how even if they were killed, GLORY TO GOD. Because that's really hard to say. And I wonder what their babies think about this sudden dose of affection, and has it lasted the weeks? And my mom, does she hug us more? No, because she's too busy pounding out the dough and stirring the soup that will keep us feed. She's too busy teaching us what we really need to know, that the world just won't tell us. She's too busy hugging us when we need to cry, not when it eases her guilt. She's too busy showing us how to live and die.

This woman who adopted us formed us more than our flesh-and-blood mothers did. She is busy making our lives and lifting us up. She is busy guiding our souls to the light.

She knows that we are in God's hands, and that if that's where we are, we all ought to be willing and ready to die. Whether it's in a bloody accident, a cancer ward, or every morning when we get up and are called to die to ourselves and to sin. We are following the crucified One Who lives, and so there's no real pain in death.

I want to be like her, and joyful no matter what the world and other Christians are shouting. I want to be too busy making lives and making dinner to doubt my end and goal.


"I know that you knew--
You raised us to leave you;
Raised us to run,
With the wind at our backs.

I know that you knew--
What your love would do;
Send us out sailors,
With the wind at our backs.

And your love always carried us."

~Christa Wells, Oh Your Love