A lot has transpired in the past couple of weeks. A lot has challenged me! I found my birth father, for one thing. That shouldn't have been that hard, but I found myself rooting through irrational desires and confusing thoughts about wanting to contact him, wanting to know more about him, and wondering how to balance this new found knowledge with my life as a Lambert. There were times when I simply couldn't process it all, and I am thankful for the people who let me cry, who asked if I was okay, and especially my mom, who talked me through it all. I am glad, in the end, that I learned all about my birth father, even though I will never meet him. I'm glad that I got to see where I came from, and how that contrasts with where I am now. God has blessed me beyond anything I can begin to realize, and I'm just starting to understand that I can only see the very tip of the iceberg of God's grace in my life. He has been faithful.
I wanted to write about this earlier, but I didn't have words. I still am struggling to be 100% joyful about it, and most of the time, not thinking about it is the best course. I spend most of my time doing school or playing with Tim, so I really don't have time to think about it much. This is for the best, obviously, because it is what God has placed in front of me, for now.
The desire to know more about this man who was part of my beginning isn't entirely rational. I have received nearly nothing from him, and he was never involved in my life. However, as an irrational human being, I like knowing who he is.
This isn't at all what I set out to write, or even what I think about it all, but it's what I can write, for now. Maybe more will come later, as I find the words.
My older brother was accepted into the Marine Corps two days ago, too! Tomorrow we are driving to Columbus to see him swear in. After that there's no going back! We're all excited for him! In April he will leave for basic training, and won't be back until the end of July. This is a big step for him, and you might pray for all of us!
I hope you all are having a lovely Valentine's Day! I love you!
Love you, too! :)
ReplyDeleteI haven't been keeping up on my blogs at all for a couple months, and just found this today. I'm so glad you have such a loving and supportive mom to help you through all your questions. My grandpa wasn't a part of our lives before he died, and my mom really had to lean into God and embrace Him as her Father. I praise God that you know Him as your Lord and perfect, loving Father. <3